13.01.04, Tuesday, hyped factor 5/10

hi all, this is my first posting... actually didnt really wanted to start writing today... cos in my mind i keep thinking abt getting screwed by my PE teacher. A lot have said scoldings aiya juz open one ear and close one lo.. but as a piscesian, i guess its not ez 4 me. Well that is actually what filled up my mind the whole day, kinda silly rite? Had a mc today. wasnt very sick initially until now as i am typing i can feel myself falling sick. As usual, spent the day at my Boss's house, clearing my hw, studying for my power series test. I am glad i did something cos my attn span a bit the short. Soon i was watching VCDs and playing NBA. It actually feels great to slack. But it aint the time now. Perhaps i used to mug too much and i see results doesnt really show my effort and as everyday pass, i get more regretful choosing jc over poly. I really hate my current school and seriously i never dread going school since primary school till now. I dunno wat got into me, i am not who i used to be. I am confused as where i wanna go. Vision blurred and happiness faded. If there wont red cross or my close friends ard, i might have forgotten what being happy is like. I was told by my tutor that i had to sacrifice to keep my grades. And of course i had to but definitely not now. CCAs and volunteering is where i can find my real self. Ask me to give it up or part of it? No, i cant, teach me how to give away my life? Today i felt even closer to my Boss of a mth but i felt as if it was like a year liao. We had 'problem'-sharing which really let me know him even better. Yes, we are both drained and spirits are down, definitely deprived of vigour.

Well, wld like to end off by sharing something kinda close to JnJ`Co or at least for me:
A Strange Paradox. One of the stranger paradoxes in the world of friendship is that sometimes the more people we surround ourselves with, the lonelier we feel. I think it has something to do with people expecting or wanting us to act or be a certain way. When we surround ourselves with people we dont quite know or completely trust, our real, authentic self tends to hide out. We dont feel safe so we enter into a mode of self-protection. If we express our true, unique selves we run the risk of other people judging or hurint us. This is why we can feel so lonely and isolated- we yearn for someone to see us as we really are.