30.01.04, Friday ~ Hyped factor: 6/10

wow time flies. now 1230 liao. tml muz wake up go Biopolis at 8. sianz.
But no matter wat die die also muz write my dear blog cos so many
supporters.. lol :X Well PE also killed me today... math test i passed!!!
CCA training did something special.. gd music, nice feeling. FD meeting
was okay but boss's face as black as the shirt he wore. The most cool
thing was to go for Chingay thingy. Muz thanks diana, even though i go
there help only but got a lot of inspiration frm there. CoOL... Only sad
thing was didnt dance for hc S7 fac party in the end cos 74 no1 going.
haiz. but nvm, there's always next time to see em'. Shit.. forgot to
do the 'xia yu le' dance steps wif my RM members.. lolx. Had a great
time :)

Whaz Hot: Red X Flag Day, Meet u-noe-who (keke), chingay (perhaps)
Whaz Not: A*star sharing session

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You like to think you're never wrong (You live what you've learnt)
You have to act like you're so much (You live what you've learnt)
You want someone to hurt like you (You live what you've learnt)
You want to share what you've been through (You live what you've learnt)

-LP's Point of Authority

29.01.04, Thursday ~ Hyped factor: 6/10

Wellz, i think my good mood is coming back. Today went smoothly,
even though i didnt hand up my articles tt i owed, cheng didnt scream
at me. guess he's tired of me liao? haha. today heard he mentioned he
wld leave sch early tml, i also slipped off my chair and scream yeah.
But got CCA and red X meeting, guess i'll juz slack for GP. Hopefully
can JAM for 2 free periods tml.

Today taught some j2s the mass dance. kinda paiseh cos i forgot some
steps.. but i think the mood was there and the session ended successfully
i guess. So cool today Jac been msging me to pon wif her. haha, sorry,
i turned over a new leaf... i pon when i am late for sch :X seriously, Jac
is such a cool girl... u ever see some1 who pon sch and get As?

Gave siu's new crush a new nick, circus. today bio test was like arghz.
Kinda tough though is mcq. well nvr study for it is like dat i guess. But can
pass :) Chem didnt haf time to finish well juz like most of em' so no nid
worry much :) Today i did something amazing.. i finish 6 articles in an hr!

Guess today nothing much to say... muz change new format of writing.

Whaz Hot: CCA training, Red X meeting, free periods!, no Cheng, no GP
Whaz Not: Math fxn test, PE, donation card, total defence photo
Latest Update: Qoo!!! My HC friend, Steph, invited me to dance for the fac party
tml! OMG back by popular demand.. me shiny pants boy :) i shall wear tt tml. gee.
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I know I may be young but I've got feelings too
And I need to do what I feel like doing
So let me go and just listen

-Brit's I'm A Slave 4 U

28.1.04, Wednesday ~ Hyped factor: 6/10

Haiz now is 12.45am and i'm still pia-ing for my 10 articles.
did two more cos i didnt stayed back today and i expected cheng
sure add 2 more... in fact later got chem and bio test..
fri got math test. Is this the beginning of wrath of A levels?

So cool, debbie's bdae so many pple celebrated for her. wah i envy
her class how i wish i got such classmates... the day i get a cake
i think wld be my wedding liao. haha. actually no la, last yr was
my most memorable bdae. friends of 3 mths came and celebrated
my bdae. It wasnt juz singing song and eat cake. Loads of present
aside, they lined up a series of programmes for me. It's worth
recollecting... The presents i get add up at least got 300 bucks.
For i noe, juz 2 present from 2 friends already 100 plus.
A shirt and a headphone. One of my buddy bought me 3 gifts,
and shared 4 other bdae presents wif others. haha. :) Seniors also
very caring. That day my breakfast was bdae cake, lunch got treated
to fish and co and dinner was mache. K enuff of my bdae2003, tis yr
cant expect much. I would be contented if my CCA members and any
1 from my college rem my bdae.. haha.

Had really nice lunch wif RMG (aka RM gang). weather was perfect didnt
get drenched yet so cooling... See debbie carrying her present bag like
going home after a sale like dat so envious but happy 4 her 2.
Then had meeting a long one... yawnz.. but after tt caught a 930 show,
Stuck on you. and while watching, i kinda imagine my chem and bio test
results haha u noe la. But the show really nice. Its funny at some parts
but it touches issues on discrimination and teach u how to live life.
Gave me tt heart-warming feeling. like got hope in this world...No
spoilers here la so dun worry i wont tell u the story. but its a 4* movie
for me. if u regret, not my prob.. haha, but my taste cant be tt bad :)
I hear jeering... shud up juz shud up shud up. =X

made a tag board today but doesnt fit nicely.. muz ask the experts liao
but didnt see them online today. Oh ya, how can i forget abt siu's new
crush.thot of a name to call him? i think tt guy is a keeper, y wait siu?
haha yeah tml teach dance again. mmm... debbie, i hear ur heartbeat :)

Back to sucky articles. Hope i wont be late for sch tml... :(
had a nice chat wif my old friend who had been in isolation for long.
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You see my problem is this
I'm dreaming away
Wishing that heroes, they truly exist
I cry, watching the days
Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways
But to lose all my senses
That is just so typically me

-Brit's Oops I Did It Again

27.01.04, Tuesday ~ Hyped factor: 6/10

Well, today i had a rather queer feeling. I actually enjoyed school today.

A lot of breaks but overall quite slack, watched 2 videos, do some shitty
pccg test, 2 tuts, 1 math lect and dance for pe. Who dont like, u tell me? haha

The PE dept shocked me today... wah the way they talk like hooligans but they
are really nice pple, when u are working wif them that is. I am well known in the
dept i guess, for lots of make up PE... haiz... i hate stepping into the PE staff room.
intimidated.

Today taught 3 classes for dance. so cool, actually siu did the talking, i juz
demo and snatch limelight. haha. See how she reacted with the whole tegrat
thingy... haha. She's such a confused person... wan to forget him but yet still
check his timetable to see whether will teach his class dance. Haiz.. girls will always
be girls. Go confess ma, guys like to noe girls like them... but seriously tegrat
doesnt look he ready for relationship so no point telling him too. haha. i noe y my
members all like to go sch and look forward.. cos got crush to see ma... debbie
aka flabbie got bak jiu... siu got tegrat... kc got her shuai juniors... fion got s.h...
haha.. no la her friends...
today met wif em' they rock! i envy fion.. haiz.

oh ya tml debbie's bdae.. so wish her happy birthday now :) 18 liao but too
bad cant take driving license.. now nid to be 21.. :( debbie hope u get ya new
summer (in chn) ur class tt guy u kinda fond of gd enuff la.. simple minded good
ma.. then he wont cheat u. =X

shit la.. now muz do newspaper articles.. got 8 to do.. juz added this morning...

-------------------------------------------
I used to think I had the answers to everything
But now I know
That life doesn't always go my way
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize

-Brit's I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman

26.01.04, Monday ~ Hyped factor:3/10

found tt i sucked at trying to rhyme stuff when i am at my lowest. Think this feeling will last dunno for god-knows-how-long. haiz siu bz trying to forget tegrat while i am trying hard to recollect happy moments. dunno y the world like suddenly stopped spinning. I have never felt that lost and emptiness inside me for a long time. Last time i guess was during my o lvl results. Plus, today sick. The only thing tt made me happy was something i least expected. my mum knew i facing relationship problems so she used her day off today to go buy stuff for me.. clothes, socks. kinda blessed n i guess i shldnt take things for granted. I dun get new clothes everyday!
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I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure, of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

-LP's Numb

25.01.04, Sunday ~ Hyped factor: 2/10

today i went temple,
a lot of people,
found that i muz stay away frm water, ( u noe in wat sense la)
and relationships this yr cant get better.

Emotions sway
i'm really suay.
Lost the closeness of a friend
a friend i longed to have

Giving opens the way for receiving,
only today then i noe i am deceiving,
deceiving myself.
i gave but i lost out on this one.

I'm never a gd friend to anyone,
now i noe only true friends speak bad about me,
i regret i took it too far,
i nid a change.

For what i've known,
only two friends have taken so much of my rubbish,
ushering this new year,
pei huan and diana,
thx for being my friend,
after i have failed so much as a friend.

Not forgetting my true friend,
whose words dawned on me,
sorry is meaningless,
when i least expect this wld happen.
---------------------------------------------------
Lookin' everywhere
Only to find that it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is lookin' at me
(Nothin' to lose)
Nothin' to gain
Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own

-LP's Somewhere i belong

24.01.04, Saturday ~ Hyped factor: 3/10

I nid a change. My character, attitude and respect for my friends. Upgrading in progress...
------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a world undefined
In my body and mind
I won't be left behind
I'm already there

-Brit's Touch of My Hand

23.01.04, Friday ~ Hyped factor:8/10

Yeah, today went to my mum's side of relatives... more fun i guess cos got food and pple ard my age =) arghz my contacts giving me prob... had to leave early to meet boss, ziting and shu hui @ suntec...

Unhappy stuff aside...

Haiz today shld be happy day but i made another grp of my hc friends waited for me.. they wanted to go aileen's house already but i cant miss wishing yanping happy new yr cos she's one of my best friend... then when we went to aileen's hse, it was kinda fun when she intro us her new room and hamsters.. haiz.. saw their campfire prep video of the j1 this yr brought me lots of memories... juz as funny n candid as ours last yr... i think the juniors in hc even more fun than my own class in aj.. somemore i dont even have a direct junior class.. haiz.. tok abt sch spirit. oops.. sorry i comparing and complaining again..

then went to aaron's hse.. haiz suddenly remember the fact that 03S74 has only 3 pple living in HDB flat... the rest all private housing.. haha.. aaron's my first visit... wah.. his basement area covers my whole living room.. keke... wif all that gym equipment, music instrument and amplifiers juz like a studio...
his level one even bigger.. and i also didnt explore how many levels up his house has.. haha.. and in the bus heard my friends mentioning he had 500 bucks as 1 week or even 2 days allowance. haha.. i am beginning to believe :P ya had a musical day hearing my friends jaming at the guitar... playing violin and piano.. haiz.. only like i the only one dunno how to play. sianz.. really nid to learn an instrument other than recorder.. hahaha.. well red packets today not so bad.. tml think is visiting more friends and teachers.
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And I don't want to explain tonight
All the things I've tried to hide
I shut myself out from the world tonight
So I can draw the blinds
Then I'll teach myself to fly
I love myself it's not a sin
I can't control what's happening

-Brit's Touch of my hand

22.01.04, Thursday ~ Hyped factor: 7/10

Happy lUnAr New YeAr to aLLz! today went visiting my dad's side of relatives.. nothing much actually... only after the visiting then go watch movie, Magic Kitchen, but seriously not to offend jerry yan's fans.. the show sucked. really wasted my $8.50... His voice so kiddish and he bitches for the whole show... gave me nothing but goosebumps..

Then headed to boss's house who initially doesnt allow me to go.. haha.. then order pizza and eat.. not too bad la.. then me and fifi haiz.. kinda pissed boss off.. took it too far liao..haiz.. sorry nt tt we dun respect u... understand how u feel... dunno how to explain myself, juz sorry =(

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I don't need nobody telling me just what I wanna
What I what what what I'm gonna do about my destiny
I say no, no... nobody's telling me just what I wanna... do do
I'm so fed up with people telling me to be someone else but me...

-Brit's Overprotected

21.01.04, Wednesday ~ Hyped factor: 6/10

Well today had my CNY dance performance in sch. The music starting screwed up, got screeching noise then too soft. but lucky our professionalism did not let our 'fans' down. haha. Muz thanks Shu hui and boon for coming to watch my performance when they were thinking of poning sch. :) and to all who find the dance nice or i danced well, big thank you. Today kinda weird feeling. i danced juz for the students, didnt gif a look at the teachers or even the superiors. but the atmosphere isnt there... haiz, not much cheering during the dance but ending nt bad la. haiz wish the j2s(02 pple) were here.

went back to my sec sch, it kinda sucked too.. before we go in had to go thru screening by DM. He still treats us like students in the sch.. a lot couldnt go in due to improper attire and hair. So strict. Lucky i got out of the cage, wld haf gone bad having to endure his sarcastic tone and attitude. After the concert ended, he lectured the whole sch but comments were directed at those alumni, reminding them to be in proper attire when they wan to come to sch for such functions and told us not to go where where where. damn bloody bitch. haha :X Everybody was like 'i am here to see the sch and its people, not hear u tok cock.' I believe one day no alumni will come back. BUG. big unfriendly giant. bleahz

Haiz sorry boss cldnt go out for supper cos got food and late night mahjong... dun worry i help u finish tml. :) wonder LOTR finish liao? think so leh.. haiz haven catch... sianz. had nice 2 hrs chat. was bombarded by bitch, fuck, idiot, asshole, slut, etc.. haha. so happy my dad gif me the biggest hongbao ever... got hundred plus leh.. when he normally gives 16 bucks one.. maybe he striked lottery...

20.01.04, Tuesday ~ Hyped factor:5/10

Haiz. today power series test sucked. I think i'm gonna fail. Dunno why i cant do after i practised quite some time...

Had a quarrel wif boss ya muz blame myself, nowadays kinda grumpy and querulous plus tt short temper in him landed up myself being 'scolded'. I think we nid more tolerance for each other. Come to think, i feel that i'm always wrong...mmm... is it? or am i giving in? i dont know.

But lucky seeked comfort in my dear. always there when i nid reassurance. :)

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Say hello to the boy that I am
You're gonna have to see through my perspective
I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am
And I don't wanna be so damn protected
There must be another way
'Cause I believe in taking chances
But who am I to say
What a boy is to do
God I need some answers...

-Brit's Overprotected

19.01.04,Monday~ Hyped factor: 6/10

today morning started well, saw ms ong and mr chua of pe dept.. they smiled and asked me how am i... felt really happy and sad too.. as in they had to noe the bad side of me :( now even if i dance/perform in front of the sch, i noe there are several pple who wld look at me differently... i really hate tt feeling.. haiz. saw mr lim he juz said 'gd, u can go now, see u tml'. my boss said mr lim might want to ask me to have breakfast but he dared not.. haha. :P saw my friend, na, at the canteen, listening to how she quarrelled with in was so hilarious...na, u really put ur eng into gd use. and nigel, u rocked too! i bet in pee-ed in her pants.. keke. ya saw a grp of teachers for counselling... kept siam-ing frm them but cheng found me in da canteen... had to da pao chicken rice to chem tut and eat.. or rather swallow. haha. yeah happy today, my dear called me :) and ya muz also thank boss who came all the way down to sk to have dinner wif me then we dunno for wat went to sgoon gardens to meet shu hui aka ah mei. mmm... maybe time too short didnt really chat for long... i got tt kind of feeling that ah mei got something to tell boss but i kinda extra there leh.. nvm , maybe my feelings are redundant. woof, one heavy load off me, but still i o feel drained. I wonder how much sleep will get my vigour back.

brit says:
i nid time, joy, space, i nid me... action~

18.01.04, Sunday ~ Hyped factor: 7/10

Juz realised that my font and spacing sucked... so pity u guys reading my blog, hope i can get something done. I shant write so long. Well today is talentime part 2, me practically same job except boss very nothing to do in the beginning and was sick and kinda sian. As for me i busy running away, going thru rehearsals. Got reception to do, rehearsal dragged till 1pm, after muz run backstage to do SM wif boss. Diana har, haiz.. remained uncontactable... lucky got my special choco to pull me thru the day. Was kinda sad that last min they let SCGS won instead.. haiz i pity those IJ girls.. but there's always next yr.. hope SK can smell the shield next yr... After tt, we went to have dinner. simple but deserving one cos we were like starving to death. When i reached boss's place to collect my clothes, wah, i almost collapse from exhaustion. nvr had tt feeling b4. kept thinking of my math and bio test.. lucky i msg jac and she told me she taking on tue, one load off... well, i enjoyed myself in the talentime, laughed so hard at the drama category :) cant wait for CNY to come

17.01.04, Saturday ~ Hyped factor: 5/10

haha had to cheong two entries on a Sunday morning... This whole week wasnt my happy week, see the hyped factor u noe liao. Today supposed to have power series test but i wasnt feeling well so had a mc. Today's CCA orientation was great. got 124 sec 1s interested to sign up. But every yr we also faced the number that actually joined. I just hope we can get 50 like dat more than enuff. The whole day practically is juz orientation then went for lunch. Initially was supposedly to discuss with boss the FD stuff, then in the end, i fell asleep till abt 6+. My whole day kinda wasted like dat. Tml will be talentime again, so its bz bz and bz. My last 2 weeks fully occupied. So sorry couldnt attend the dance prac wif my CCA. i think they are quite pissed but sorry after this week, i would be much more free. Haiz i hate sending bad signals to pple like my CCA and the school. Was quite touched that my friend gave me a bar of choco to lighten me up. So sweet. (i mean my friend, not the choco) And ya we shared problems and from there i know there are so many pple out there facing troubles and unhappiness, not only myself. So i decided to live day by day. Not to worry for what is going to happen on mon but to enjoy what is waiting for me on sun. Was quite flattered abt wat my friend said abt me, it makes me feel good. Well had to wake up my lazy boss who i think is still snoring like a pig... haiz will be coming home ard 8+ and will be mugging for bio and math test tml. but for now, i get to enjoy talentime! yeah~

16.01.04, Friday Hyped factor:4/10

Haiz... what a day to start by having to see mr lim... Though he didnt scream at me but his tone was very serious. I was a little late and he was unhappy abt it. In th end, i have to see him mon-wed 7.15am next week. I immediately sian diao... it means waking up even earlier. haiz... It hurts to see i bring such trouble to myself. Then when i reached the parade sq, my PD tutor handed me a piece of paper, i knew something wasnt gd... i had to see the principal at 2pm. I roughly had the idea wat is it but only know it was kinda serious later in the day. Then came the morning assembly of my CCA members having to meet after morning assembly. After morning assembly, my PD tutor held me and my friend, ans told us that our chem tutor was angry with us for not going to her prac session. As u noe, yesterday we went to see the P regarding our proposal, then some of them cried so we had to do our part as friends to console them. Also since, we only left less than a period to finish which is not enough so we thot of doing make-up prac instead. Then the CCA meeting was about our performance in Fusion`04, a inter-jc charity concert. We were told that the event is run under no supervision of a teacher. Hence, the money collected which were said to be for charity is questionable. Therefore, we werent allowed to perform. The councillor suggested that we still perform but not under name of AJC which provoked some of my members as they thot the school dun view us as impt as other cca. had to do some peace-talk.... So now we can just hope that there will be a teacher overseeing the whole event. That was the 4 things tt hit me in the morning. I was super upset, nvr had such things happen to me. As for the P talk, it was changed to a teacher. After the talk with the teacher abt some serious stuff, i was at my lowest. cos that stuff ccould ruin my reputation and how pple view me, which i dun feel like saying... But still, i nid to keep up a smiling face to my CCA members, be sure i jept my mood apart from my CCA training. I was qiuite surprised i could succeed. What gave me that boost of joy was the chalet at night. Even though i was welcomed by criticism frm ws and boss. They kept suaning me and saying i was not involved in their conversation... and boss ar, u told us not to say or joke wif personal stuff in front of cadets. Then last time u made fun of me and melvin in front of pr. she's also a cadet, u bias sia. but that was a trival matter. ws kept making fun of his friend which lighten up my day at least. The chalet doesnt look like one more like a hotel. Had fun la playing PS 2, too bad no nice tv shows if not we could watch together. Managed to do some work. Boss as usual kept msging and he looked rather sian. cos not much thing to do, only either two controller or the bed. then when Diana came ard 4am, i was awaken from my slumber. She started blasting the music and i found myself the only one sleeping in the room. haiz but i cld have enjoyed myself better as i kept thinking of wat happened in the morning and accepting the fact that i may haf to seen the P one day. Haiz haiz, y am i so screwed this year? hope after chn new yr, everything will start fresh. I am willing to change but does fate allow me to? we shall see...

15.01.04, Thursday ~ Hyped factor: 4/10

Today kinda sucked. except for the last part of the day wif boss la.. today practically sucked. Morning was supposed to make announcement so i still didnt get to see the PE teacher who will come out of the scene later in my story... In the end, we got stopped by the VP, she said we nid to go thru our TIC b4 we can make announcement and she wanted to find out more abt the fusion concert thingy... Then later, i decided to do my make-up PE... everything went well until last part when i nid to report after i have finished.. then poom out of a sudden, Mr Pissed-off Lim Kok Wee appeared in front of me. I knew doom was coming my way. He yelled at me and the most fed up thing abt it or rather the school is that he/they dun gif pple a chance to explain. Even though explaining wont help, but at least HEAR me out boy... That kind of defendless state really make me feel like screaming back at him... Wah they think only they can shout har. Somemore in front of the whole PE dept.. keep harbouring on the fact that i am CCA head nvr show example.. Come on la, whats the big deal, they think i wan to be CCA head meh.. Haf to bao kar liao... Somemore i already buay song the sch liao, still muz tahan all the 'arrowing'. He asked me to see him tml again. dunno why, more scoldings? or worse stuff, i cant be bothered. But gd thing was that my form tutor msged me n reminded me to see the PE teacher b4 i make things worse for myself.. i thot his gesture was nice and at the right time. Even though i cant stand him at times but perhaps i am blinded by his evil side (thinking that we all only haf GP as the subject, homework so gif so much!!!) but when he's gd he can be nice but usually not for long.. haha. During chn period, did a chnessay review and its abt a guy waiting for love, sounds super like somebody, but dunno who har.. haha ^_* but in the end got scolded by that friend cos he too tired.. always like dat, tired vent anger at me... :P i already had a sucky day then kinda scolded when i tried to start to tease pple to entertain myself.. haiz...Well, it wasnt the worst part of the day till my CCA members together wif me went to see the Principal regarding continuing of our CCA. All of us were super pissed off when we heard his first words when we wanted to show him our proposal. P: " What proposal? No CCA, what proposal? I though VP already said you all have to close down the CCA?" We at that point felt like leaving the room, noeing tt there is no way it gonna work out. He is so crude lo. Throughout the talk, wat made me very angry and frustrated waas that he didnt even bother to look at our propsosal, and keep on rattling the cons to have our CCA where actually we have stated our objectives and how we will benefit the school. He cant be bothered to read. I mean come on la, when we made an appt wif him, he knew it was abt proposal to continue our CCA, if he dont allow, then might as well tell us no nid to try, instead of now, we wasted our time doing up the proposal and he didnt even bother to read or flip thru. wat kind of principal? say to meet us juz to give us chance to hear us out but inside we become defendless.. everything he said to convince us tat we had to close down was " there are actually many reasons..." blah blah blah. Somemore he mentioned AJC too many CCA already.. haha.. i think otherwise... Can juz ask the j1s how many fun and interesting CCA AjC provide? Juz because some other CCA that tried to start failed doesnt mean we wont be successful.. I still remember the school vision is to wat.. "our students are .. thinking, innovative leaders.." our CCA promotes creativity by choreographing our own dances, not like another dance CCA which has instructor. Still want to create visionary leaders... the school had better set examples on that.. aspiring entrepreneurs.. the AJ Enterprise sell wat kind of stuff? oreintation tee, file, mentos.. tt kind call entrepreneurs har? sell same thing throughout the years... Really dunno how the school thinks.. haiz.. makes me wan to concentrate more on red cross where effort is appreciated by greater scale of pple. haiz today cant make it for OA meeting. hehe at night then hyped me up lo... accompany boss go buy his skater-like bag... keke keep asking me he look cool and cute anot.. wah nearly lost my appetite.. j/k but he definitely up for grab tt kind of guy lo. not bad today got free pants.. boss pity me har buy me pants :P Shu hui mei mei must be very jealous.. thx boss har.. quite cool making him walk rounds and rounds in far east. yeah cant wait for fri dance until seow then go chalet.. but sat got math test leh.. sianz.. clashed wif SK cca orientation.. sun got talentime.. haiz.. i desperately nid rest... yeah now got american music award.. got britney spears.. woo...

14.01.04, Wednesday~ Hyped factor: 7/10

Yoz... happy today did a lot of talking.. chat wif a j1 on da bus. today reached sch on da spot cldnt get to see the PE teacher.. think he is damn pissed with me liao. haha. i think every teacher does. Mr Arthur lim rox sia, i juz stand there he usher me inside the staff room and settle my mc stuff b4 i say anything.. keke.. i thot he only flirt with girls sia =x anyway kinda out of point. today passed quite fast cos its wed 145 sch ends.. kinda sian, the usual CCA members giving tt kind of face. hear i haf to leave early all gif me tt kind of look, tired of it. Pple~ if u help choreograph then u are allowed to complain lo... wan me to do everything then president will sure KO one.. His job is to ensure smooth running and not do the smooth running. Haiz cant be bothered to explain. So happy today go back my sec sch.. my cadets all greet me.. feel so respected... Then kena jio-ed by Boss to haf dinner at CP. haha.. he today feeling kinda cranky, crapping a lot during dinner... had fun calling each other bitch. dunno y he always welcome me wif a black face then after that lighten up... Boss really no welfare one leh... nvr helped me buy drinks.. even though got water bottle ma :( nvm ya forgiven .. haha.. but today kinda special.. tok exceptionally a lot, abt life and stuff... newsflash abt his personal life which many gurls wld like to noe i think. Thanks boss har, always include me in his blog so i haf to 'zuo4 ren2' leave a para for u :P Ya Boss dun see him big size, he eat kinda little leh.. the talk at the mrt station was kinda engaging.. blink of the eye 9pm liao.. hope i didnt scare u off wif my experience abt that incident.. haha.. hush har.. Boss is always abt gurls and fish and chips.. haha.. think is the heart2heart talk that hyped me up.. lighten a lot. shared most stuff which were similar to mine actually.. i dunno how to voice it but u wldnt wan to hear my probs too so i didnt bother to relate. tml wil be a hectic day again... hope my math tutor allow me to take test on mon.. i really cant miss SK Red Cross orientation.. haiz.. next few dinner hot spots: china town, geylang. and ya, today chatted wif some1 special :)

13.01.04, Tuesday, hyped factor 5/10

hi all, this is my first posting... actually didnt really wanted to start writing today... cos in my mind i keep thinking abt getting screwed by my PE teacher. A lot have said scoldings aiya juz open one ear and close one lo.. but as a piscesian, i guess its not ez 4 me. Well that is actually what filled up my mind the whole day, kinda silly rite? Had a mc today. wasnt very sick initially until now as i am typing i can feel myself falling sick. As usual, spent the day at my Boss's house, clearing my hw, studying for my power series test. I am glad i did something cos my attn span a bit the short. Soon i was watching VCDs and playing NBA. It actually feels great to slack. But it aint the time now. Perhaps i used to mug too much and i see results doesnt really show my effort and as everyday pass, i get more regretful choosing jc over poly. I really hate my current school and seriously i never dread going school since primary school till now. I dunno wat got into me, i am not who i used to be. I am confused as where i wanna go. Vision blurred and happiness faded. If there wont red cross or my close friends ard, i might have forgotten what being happy is like. I was told by my tutor that i had to sacrifice to keep my grades. And of course i had to but definitely not now. CCAs and volunteering is where i can find my real self. Ask me to give it up or part of it? No, i cant, teach me how to give away my life? Today i felt even closer to my Boss of a mth but i felt as if it was like a year liao. We had 'problem'-sharing which really let me know him even better. Yes, we are both drained and spirits are down, definitely deprived of vigour.

Well, wld like to end off by sharing something kinda close to JnJ`Co or at least for me:
A Strange Paradox. One of the stranger paradoxes in the world of friendship is that sometimes the more people we surround ourselves with, the lonelier we feel. I think it has something to do with people expecting or wanting us to act or be a certain way. When we surround ourselves with people we dont quite know or completely trust, our real, authentic self tends to hide out. We dont feel safe so we enter into a mode of self-protection. If we express our true, unique selves we run the risk of other people judging or hurint us. This is why we can feel so lonely and isolated- we yearn for someone to see us as we really are.

Whaz Up~ Welcome to my blog... my Youth is Here iN this BloG~ Peace OUT