28.07.04, Wednesday ~ Hyped factor: 4/10

Today thot it would be a happy day... firstly i managed to avoid temptation to pon
lectures... i attended 2 that my friends pon-ed. *clap*

Second learning mass dance for nat camp made me feel so good *clap* again.

then came home, horror came...
during my maths tut, my tutor asked, 'did your dad say to you anything after he called
me?' i was like hell no, lucky... but wasnt lucky after all... the mass dance and
national camp briefing ended about 10pm then its at police academy so i wld take
abt 1 hr to reach home. when i stepped into the house...

'give me the number of the person in charge for red cross.' my dad shouted.

i was stunned... but i knew i had it coming... worse, my mum was at the kitchen and
heard it... me no choice haf to give... i explained tt i went for nat camp stuff at
PA.. he was like a woodblock , 'red cross go PA for wat.' -_- erm... now i noe where
my stupidity comes from... sorry to say such things but they are driving me to the
edge, though they are caring for me... my grandma was worse. she relates red cross as
nurses' job doing the 'dirty' stuff and advised my parents not to let me go. i cant
tell her cos my dialect not too good, my parents are more concerned wif me being
too involved in red cross... say i never study tts why i keep failing... where were
they when i studied every break i have in the library. where were they when i practising
my maths, where were they when i compile notes. my mum said 'your uncle last time
in JC also dun come back so late...' oh pur...lease... my uncle tt was like ages ago.
now go into uni not only talk abt results... also abt leadership and other skills.
yes i noe i nid to tone down but i making an effort to cover more grounds for the
time i used for red cross... i can tell you, even some people who dun haf cca, also
idle their time away... i have a few friends who dont have anything in june, yet
they scored even worse than me... ok now u may say i shld compare with pple who do
well... its hard to have both ways. now i am feeling guilty to be enthusiastic...
i cant do wat i like and now forced to juz study... definitely no motivation.

Of course i noe i nid to cut down on CCA, i noe my As are coming, i noe results are
important... no nid to tell me that. i noe pple saying that for my own gd... i
appreciate it but i dont work this way... i've all along been independent in my
learning and now suddenly got pple take charge and ask me to do this, i cant get
used to... i have plans for myself be it when to study or wat... all i need is room
to breathe, not 'hey your As coming you still not studying?'

wats more maddening, my super fat arse tutor went to add oil to fire... told my dad
all abt me in the wonderful 1.5 yrs in AJ. naturally poning sch link to red cross
equals bad results... my dad was like 'dun think i dunno wat u do in sch' ok my
a-lot-of-mc thing was blown up. My mum heard it, became furious, not surprising.
Both became PA system blasting at me. saying 'we pay school fees for you to study
not do other silly stuff' lol. i still managed to laugh. in blog now of course.
spoke like machine gun... threatening me wif some many things tt i lost count.

deep inside me i wanted to shout it out, but only made matters worse. so i juz kept
quiet. tt feeling could have killed me or burst my vessel. my pd tutor speaks his
mind, so as usual he detested my attitude, well he muz have a gd time telling
how bad i was and he can jolly well juz keep threatening me to withhold my testimonial.

then after my parents finished blasting me.. they quarrelled among themselves. so
loud i think the whole block can hear... heard my dad said ' aiya stupid is stupid
try so hard to study to get gd results for wat.' hey that was for me though :]
i wld be stupid to get upset abt it... my own future at stake, so wat if my results
not gd, at least i keep trying to improve myself. and they aint the best parents
anyway and plus they like to dive at things, not finding out from me wats my point
of view.

haha. i wont be surprised if my dad calls HQ tml and dun allow me go Nat camp... but
i will still go at all costs. but i've to proof back wif my results.

oh ya forgot to tell u, today my wonderful pd tutor arrowed me twice. first asking
me during GP some current affairs thing and made me so embarrassed... when there
are actually a lot of pple who dunno. i'm just unlucky. Then when someone called
me during class, i had to cancel call... kena 'john, stop playing with your phone'
haiz... why am i so unlucky?

ok now i felt better after venting my anger...
some stuff i mentioned were in the fit of anger so pls forgive :]
now i have lost the drive to study. damn.