[ 220. The One With My Tutor ]

Oh well havent talked abt him for a long time... thot he ignored me for gd as to him i think i am the most problematic and attitude student... juz knew frm my dad that my tutor called. oh well, whats new? still harping on my attendence... 15 days of absence in a term... quite bad but i had worse... knew frm my class rep tt he wanted me to go sch tml to sign something... well i hope not something bad...

he wanted MC so some days when i dun feel quite well, i go see the doctor lo. if he thinks i want to skip school then so be it. he dun wan any parents letter frm me(i'm a special case) so recurring headache i still go see doctor despite i got leftover medication. so my hse basically is a mini pharmacy.

well wat else he tok abt? national camp... ya i mentioned last time where i was coming frm, had my difficulties, its either dun go or go and face consequences. its my choice. since i chose the latter, to him my priorities not right, no respect for him = bad student which i agree. To him, i may have lost the respect he has in me or even the character i haf but only i know what i am gaining for myself. with all odds against me, i still believe my 4 days were well spent. i did my work that all my tutors gave for the 4 days and yet i achieved something that is once-in-a-lifetime. i have no regrets.

another thing he talked abt was my results. ya he told my dad they were bad which i agree to a small extent. What i believe more is how much i have improved... from a O and F i went up to getting C and i know i capable of even a B juz because of carelessness which my subj tutor told me. I know i shouldnt compare but there are also other students who were having same grades as me before and never improved for prelims... Its not easy to study alone and to get the self-motivation is hard especially when u can only rely on yourself. Even though teachers keep stressing on group study but dun think it will work. u need to choose your study partners. It is really frustrating to do maths when u have questions, the teacher prefers you to discuss with your classmates first and if it cant be resolved then the last person to see is your maths tutor. yes in this way both parties can learn but to me i find it impede my learning process... when i ask my friends, they gave me answers that they arent fully sure or maybe they may have the wrong concepts and i juz accepted it. After all, i still need to double check with the tutor. A lot of time wasted to go through so many channels.

this world is tt realistic, only focus on results... not many actually looked into how much effort and hard work u put in. i believe many pple are trying but when the hard work dont show in the results, they get condemned. Felt so unfair...

well i hope my tutor reads this and hopefully understand how i feel. try studying in this class and you will understand how dreadful it is to come to school. i guess i am stupid enough to lose the motivation to study for this 2 yrs. Whenever i try to pick up from where i left, i keep landing myself into 'trouble' and instead of moving forward, i get more obstacles.

Every night, i've been practising maths after i am done with my work, all the way till 2am. Who really knows how much i want to improve my maths? To my tutor, my results doesnt seem like i am keen...