..:: 343. The One With Demise ::..

Yup. My grandmother passed on at CGH this afternoon after battling since monday morning... She suffered a stroke and her pulse and heartbeat dropped half when i visited her today compared to yesterday.

Yesterday evening, my wing SM told me to book out immediately cos my grandmother's condition was critical. my heart dropped. i ran all the way out to get a cab, praying intensely thru out the ride. Lots of things flashed thru my mind...

About a month ago, i began pestering my sis to accompany me to visit my grandmother... dunno where this sudden feeling to visit her came over me... In the end, two weeks ago, i did. Just last week, i already planned to have breakfast with my grandmother but unfortunately, appt holders had to book in at 1pm as area cleaning was not well done.

Regret is definitely too late... I dun blame the wing SM for making us book in early... As 'youngsters', we always think we have a lot of time to do things but i forgot my grandmother does not. Initially, i was sad, but now the more i think, the more i am depressed...

Whats worse, she treated us (my sisters and i) the best cos my dad is her eldest son. I spent my childhood with my grandmother... She worked her life to get my uncle into university... when we were young,we used to have about 5-6 meals per day... Breakfast, 'after-market' meal, lunch, tea break, dinner, supper... She still cooks food for us, but my younger sis got the chance to taste the last meal she ever cooked... She wanted to cook for me on sunday, the usual day.. but i had live firing...

Now whenever i do area cleaning, i would think of her... she cleaned the whole house by herself... and its really super clean... you will not find any dust... i really enjoy that clean environment and everything is just so neat... Every weekend, she would prepare tonic...

Every weekend, she yearns for us to pay her a visit, to talk to her, keep her accompany... Sonetimes when i am out there having fun, i didnt stop and think how lonely it is to just watch tv with a dog... especially when my uncle is a workaholic...

I cried... very badly... cos i remembered the last time i ever see her talking, she still gave me 30 bucks even when i rejected her offer. It was not a very fulfilling visit as that day i had to rush my homework to book in.

In the hospital, i stood by her bedside, telling her to get up, wake up... told her that i am hungry, i miss her food... but its all too late...

i was at the wake in the afternoon, my uncle's dog, gave funny noises, staring at my grandmother with watery eyes... as though it was being slaughtered... that noise i could recognise, the dog misses my grandmother... hearing that, my family and my relatives broke down...

I will never forget the day i visited her, she felt me and said 'le jin ku bo lai liao...' (you haven been here for a long time) the touch i would never get for the rest of my life...

i miss my grandmother...