..:: 295. The One With Results ::..

Oh well, the day i dreaded came. i was fully prepared... totally didnt think of it at all as you can see from my last few entries. I was hoping i pass my maths and i am happy.

things werent that simple after all...

i got the luxury to rot my time off cos results are out at 230pm. so i have to trouble poor joan, smsing her cos i was idling ard. Waiting for my friend so we can go lunch.

Our batch did better than the previous and whats more, the previous batch had the best results like in 20 yrs... what more to say? mickey mouse was grinning all the way (if u noe who i'm talking abt)

Looking at the list of distinctions, i realised dun haf any names from my class... i began to worry and panic...

my pd tutor had to 'dao' me before i get my results... some students from other class had to cut in and thank him for his guidance and blah blah blah. i had to freeze and wait in horror.

when i saw my result slip, i saw the first grade and it was maths. mmm... something i wish to see but definitely something not i hoped for. confusing huh? nvm. i saw my GP grade i almost jumped for joy. i got B3. u may say 'chey' but to a person who failed GP most of the time and with comments from my pd-cum-gp tutor 'what the hell have you been doing for the past 2 yrs?' 'i think you seriously need to buck up if not you will fail A lvl'... With that dont u think getting b3 is like a feat to me?

But overall, i didnt do as well. kinda expected cos my prelim was trashy... got E8 for GP somemore failed overall. ugliest report ever. i did what i could savage and i improved for all my subjects. My testimonial was kinda well written.

my plan: apply for uni courses and also retake as private.

If my admission is successful, i can always redraw and get refund for my A lvls.
I know myself i definitely can do better cos i wasted my J1 dreading on my wrong choice to change JC and wasted lots of time crying over spilled milk.

i have planned what i wanna do but somehow somewhere there are bound to have people who will ask me my results. i mean if they are concerned about me, i dont mind. But not all.

'hows your results?'
'har? how? what you gonna do next?'

insensitive tone. so what if i tell u what i'm gonna do? only invite more questions.

'hows your results?'
'what happened?'

so tempted to ans 'like dat lo'. 2 ways to ans. 1st is to say u screwed up. 2nd is to say you didnt put in enough effort. but whatever the reason, they can only feel bad for you.

for my case, it was a sad one. when i told my uncle the 2nd reason, he mocked at me. 'see i told you to put in effort, now i think you can go study chinese medicine'
*ouch* i am back in spore so i cant curse and swear. with that i broke down... had to call my closest friend and find some comfort.

Its not easy to find peace with yourself, telling yourself to take things postively. i wasnt that sad about my results and its not the end of the world. but irritating people have to come along and either make me feel worse or make me feel that i have disappointed them.

Why must people dwell about what had happened? For me, i know which areas i am weak in cos right before i went for my exams i knew i did not have time to fully comprehend them.

Finding a space to reflect on where to improve is definitely very hard especially these few days when everybody is so interested in how each other is doing.

Plus my pillar of support is not here, i hope i can last the 24km route march...

strange thing is that whats occupying my mind now is more of my posting after bmt.

oh must thank my sweet red cross senior cynthia who offered to tutor me maths cos she got like all As? lol.