16.08.04, Monday ~ Hyped factor:2/10

oh well today started off sucky. as expected my pd tutor asked me to stay back
after the assembly. knew i gonna get screwed so was thinking of wat to say.
wah when i approached him, he was already fuming... started barking at me...
well it was a long story... and wat i did was wrong la. so those who are reading
dun follow... i handed in the excuse letter only on sat, i didnt hand it personally
cos if i were to hand in personally, i would definitely be persuaded not to go.
then if tt happens, if i still choose to go, i might even haf to get 3 days MC
which may complicate things even more. If my tutor persuaded me not to go, and i still
went, then would be defiance. that is even worse, later go to discipline com which
is the last thing i want. if he persuaded me not to go and i really dun go. lol. tts
not going to happen. if i can be persuaded not to go, i wouldnt haf signed up and
so eagerly wanted to go. so tt was the last resort.

But i did inform all my other subject tutors and i collected honework frm them and
got their acknowledgement. I wouldnt want to get all yes then when i see the pd
tutor and a no from him. how? not tt i disrespect him by leaving the letter in his
pigeon hole but i am more to NOT to be defiant to him. Haiz but no1 seem to understand.
Yes no matter wat, i am still wrong. but frm all the experience i had from the camp,
and the choice i made , the die-die also muz go camp, i haf to bear the consequence.
but i haf no regrets. pple may see me as irresponsible, unaccountable, watsoever,
i know what i do is wrong but given a situation like mine, wats ya take?

of course, the most moral way is to listen to the teachers and forgo the camp. yes,
they are persuading u for ya own good. But i am not playing moral 'police', like i
mentioned last time, when i am dead set in doing a thing, its unlikely u can change
my focus. And i haf already blogged earlier tat, i know prelim is impt, i know
they are not to be taken lightly, i know parents and teachers do this do that for
my own gd, i know my As are important, i know i shld spend more time studying.
haiz. been hearing all these... everytime i mean i will do it, i will.

i know they are worried that i may side track and lose focus on my studies, but the
tone they have is like i n-e-v-e-r study at all. and i noe i'm responsible for
wat i do. so mr C-H-E-N-G, stop thinking that i will run crying to you if my
results are not gd. and stop using testimonial to threaten me. so unjust. my class
so many of my classmates, they were clearly skipping sch and sometimes he didnt even
ask for their letters. haha. today my class didnt turn up for his remedial and he was
damn pissed. but hey guess who he lashed it out on? ME

'So if you guys not interested, i can do away with the remedial'
then he asked one by one whether we still want the remedial.
each one nodded his/her head. then when he called my name, i nodded.
'ok, not as if you are here a lot.'

deep inside me i wanted to shout 'WAT!'
wah, i was 'pissified'. could have slammed the table and walked off. wat is his prob?
i wasnt even skipping his class on fri lo. so unhappy to teach then dun teach la.
he cant teach GP for nutz. every1 in my class is talking behind his back and he thinks
the whole class likes him a lot. I was feeling guilty the whole morning and on my
table i did all the work that are supposed to be handed up today. my class still
got pple who have the whole 4 days to do and yet didnt do. yet he nvr say a thing.

the whole morning i was so distracted that i broke a microscope slide. lucky no nid
to pay. i was like a body without a soul. lifeless. i floated from class to class.
but deep down it was charlie that kept me going. everything was worth it.
then when i went home, wah almost got knocked down. the car missed me by my tip of
my shoes. the horn so loud i also went deaf. tt was how distracted i am.

haiz. now muz write an apology letter. so mixed feelings. sorry yet unjust.
tml i haf four periods with him. gosh, how to survive.

did the devil in him got released from the gates today?